What is this "weirdbook"?

If you follow me on Instagram or Bluesky, you've probably seen pictures from my weirdbook. I've mentioned it a few times here and keep saying I'll explain it one day. Today is explanation day! 

Let's go back to late 2024. I was aware that how I felt about posting things on social media was getting in the way of my willingness to try things with art. I'm not selling my art - not that kind, since writing is art - but I felt like even personal stuff that I share has to look good and keep people engaged. That meant I couldn't spend time on things that weren't going to be shared.

That had been building for some time, but I hadn't been aware of it. I recognized it at around the same time as seeing some artists falling into a "What's the point?" pit. It had always been hard to sell art, and now they had to fight against so many people getting all excited about using LLMs to generate pictures. 

There's a lot that's already been said about how unethical that is, the harm it's doing to the environment, why people's electricity prices are going up, etc. I'm not going to say it all again. Not right now. There's also harm I see less discussion of. The harm done to inspiration. 

Artists already have a hard time selling work that isn't commissioned art or some easily marketable product. I'm not saying they have an easy route with that - they do not - but that it's even harder to sell art that just exists to be art. And I'm willing to be most artists who have been selling their work online for any significant length of time have run into too many people who get mad about a price and say something along the lines of, "I'll just get my friend to draw it for free!" We're treating art like a product and not appreciating it as, well... art. 

Even with all of that, seeing art still inspires other people to make their own. Something in us says we can make something cool because we see evidence that another human made something cool! We may not make the same thing, we may not make it as well, but we can make things! I have concerns that the use of LLMs is putting that fire out. It's faster and easier for getting likes on a post to go type an idea in and post whatever the computer spits out. Less risk of being told it looks like crap, too.

With all of that going through my mind, I committed to letting one sketchbook be a safe place for weird stuff. I would do whatever I wanted to do and then share it, even if I wasn't happy with how it turned out. That's how it became my weirdbook.

The picture above is one of my earliest pages, in which I wrote a poem in a constructed alphabet and illustrated it with colored pencil drawings of a garnet and a phoenix feather. It's not breathtaking art. It's also not terrible. It's safe.

"Safe" wasn't what I was aiming for, so I decided the weirdbook was a good place to test myself with watercolor by doing a painting of Ganesha. Maybe a painting of the Opener of All Roads and Destroyer of All Obstacles would help me get going with the weirdness I wanted to embrace.

I'm happy with that painting. I'm not a watercolor artist, and that's one of the best ones I've ever done! I've been a lot more open to exploring working with watercolor since then.

This page has weird symbols drawn in purple ink. I have several of these pages done in different colors of ink. It's asemic writing. I just let my hand write without thinking about making actual letters and words. Sometimes I do it in vertical lines, sometimes horizontal, and sometimes a mix. I don't choose that, either. If I notice after a while that I am starting to try to purposefully design something, or that I'm choosing to make certain marks based on aesthetics, I stop and go do something else.

I don't always like how things turn out. I drew all the overlapping squares on this page in one continuous black line, then went back and colored them in with bright markers. I paid attention to how colors were arranged so I wouldn't end up with several red squares in a row, or a big clump of blue squares. My eyes hate it, but it opened me up to doing more things for the experience instead of how the finished page will look.

I've learned I enjoy doing very small paintings. This page has an envelope glued to it that I folded from a white sheet of paper and decorated by drawing a floral pattern with markers. It holds some little paintings I've done on small pieces of watercolor paper, or these paintings of water and dandelions that I did on playing cards. I got a cheap deck of playing cards and I tape a card in place and paint over it.

I'm not putting pictures of all of the pages in here. I think I've shared enough to give an idea of what it is I'm doing. Why share them as I do them on social media? Why not just give myself permission to be weird in the book and keep it to myself if I don't like how a page turns out?

Because the fear of showing people things that may not be "good enough" was one of my big obstacles. With this book, I don't let that fear stop me. If it's crap, I'll share the crap. 

I thought I would fill the book in one year. I was wrong. I was surprised when the end of the year came and I realized I haven't even filled half of it yet. It will be filled someday, and I guess it will be time to start another weirdbook then. This has been one of the best things I've ever done for my creativity. It helps me learn things I can use for projects outside of the book. It gives me a space to let myself do creative things even when I don't have a specific project in mind. It gives me a safe space to retreat to when I want to let my hands do something while my mind processes other things, which has been therapeutic and has helped with my writing.

I don't know that I'll keep sharing every page from the next weirdbook, but I'm sticking with that promise for this one. I love this book! In a way, it's me in the form of a sketchbook. I wouldn't take out the pages I don't like. They're part of the journey.