The Pirate Story

Have I ever told you the pirate story? If you know me outside of the Internet, there's a pretty good chance that I've pulled a deck of cards out and told it in person. If you've been following me long enough, you may have seen me go through it on one social media platform or another over the years. 

I don't do videos, so we're going to use photos for this. Grab a deck of playing cards and follow along so you'll know I didn't just lay out whichever cards I wanted to! Maybe you'll even decide to tell the story yourself at some holiday gathering.

If your deck has Jokers, take them out for this. You'll want the cards put in order for each suit. If you're looking at the stacked up, the Ace should be on top, then 2 through 10, Jack, Queen, and King. I guess the King has to carry the weight of everything in his domain. It doesn't matter what order you put the suits in, but I like to alternate the colors.

A deck of cards with one suit spread out to show King, Queen, and Jack to the left, 10 through 2, and Ace to the right. When gathered up, the Ace would be on top.

Got your cards ready? Here we go! Just follow the story and do what I do.

It's been a long few weeks out on the ocean, and a group of seven pirates went to explore every tavern in a city while the ship's captain was sorting business out at the dock. They decided to play poker, but six of them - for various reasons - were in no shape to shuffle cards and be the dealer. The one pirate who could do it...Well, nobody wanted her to be the dealer again. She was always the dealer, and she always won.

After several rounds of debate and accusations of there being something "tricky" about her cards, she showed them that she had a new deck and spread the cards out so they could all see there was nothing that would allow her to cheat. The other six pirates decided they could do this as long as she didn't shuffle the cards. Instead, they would each cut the deck and restack it once. 

(If you do this for other people, pass the deck around! If you're following the story alone, just split the cards into two piles and restack them seven times. Don't worry about trying to split the deck evenly. The pirates didn't.)

The dealer started dealing cards in rounds, and each pirate was to get five cards, with the last card of each round going to the dealer. By the time she made five rounds, it was clear she had skipped herself a couple of times. (To be exact, she skipped herself on the second and fourth rounds.) When the other six pirates each had five cards and the dealer only had three, she tried to tell them it was just a simple mistake. "Not a problem! I'll grab two more and it'll all be good!" 

Seven small piles of cards, face down. Six piles of five cards, and one pile of three cards.

The other pirates were looking for anything that might be her attempting to cheat. One of them brushed the dealer's three cards off of the table and growled, "Get yerself five!" So while everybody else held onto their cards, the dealer dealt five new cards for herself. 

They each picked their cards up and looked at them, and each pirate was feeling good about their hand. The betting pool got pretty big before they decided it was time to show what they had.

Two hands of cards, both full houses. One is Jacks and fives, and the other is fours and tens.

Two more hands of cards that are full houses. Threes and nines, and twos and eights.

Two more full houses! Aces and sevens, and Kings and sixes.

Did it seem odd when they found out they all had full houses? Well, sure! Nobody saw it as the dealer cheating, though. They all just happened to have good luck this time!

But, as I told you in the beginning, the dealer always wins.

A straight flush. Cards seven, eight, nine, ten, and Jack, all from the Hearts suit.